If you’re thinking about bringing a sex toy like a vibrator, dildo, or butt plug into the bedroom with your partner but aren’t sure how to bring up the subject, keep reading for some expert tips. Couples sex toys can be a wonderful way to add intimacy to your relationship. Whether you wind up using them long-term or they provide a night or two of pleasure, the idea is to get out of any sexual rut you’ve fallen into and perhaps discover something new about your partner.
Get in Bed and… Talk
You’ve probably heard a variation of this before, but it can’t be emphasized enough: Communication is one of the key ingredients to a good relationship. After all, if you can’t talk about sex with your partner, how are you ever going to have the sex life you deserve? So if you’re interested in sharing the wide world of sex toys with your partner, you have to be bold enough to bring it up. After all, you don’t want to just spring a new toy on them if it might make them uncomfortable.
Here are a few ways to start that conversation:
Have you ever used a ____? I’m curious about them.
Did you see that when we were watching ___ (insert TV show or movie) _____ used a sex toy?
I was looking at Spencer’s and saw some toys that intrigued me. What do you think?
Have this conversation when you’re both focused on each other, not while you’re watching TV or otherwise distracted. It doesn’t have to be a Big Talk, but can simply be a way to broach the subject.
Show Them What You Like
Perhaps you already have your own personal stash of vibrators, a beloved dildo, a fun butt plug, or other adult items. You may have them stashed away in a storage bag or your bedside drawer. Whether or not your partner knows about your toys, they’re items that you use on your own, in private. But letting your partner get a glimpse of how you get yourself off with your favorite sex toys can be a sexy and informative way to show them how you like to be touched and what sensations arouse you the most. You can let them be a voyeur and get turned on watching you or hand the toy over to them to take the reins. Either way, this is a major step toward discussing the specifics of sex toys a whole lot easier.
Shop for Sex Toys Together
If you don’t want to surprise your partner with a toy they may or may not like, one fun way to figure out what might float your boats is to look online at sex toys together. You can discuss the wide range of options, start a yes/no/maybe list consisting of toys you’d like to use, toys you definitely don’t want to try, and toys you might be open to trying. From there you can narrow it down and decide which you’ll start with. For example, if you’re curious about butt plugs, you can begin with an anal training kit. Not sure what you want? A sex toy kit offers you multiple options. This will help you both get used to what kinds of sex toys are out there and help you get to know what catches your partner’s eye.
Try Light Bondage
You may think of “bondage” and picture elaborate contraptions and people hanging from the ceiling or bound all over their body with a ball gag in their mouth. While those elements can be part of bondage, there’s actually a wide variety of activities that encompass bondage, from holding your partner’s arms down to wearing a blindfold or using rope and handcuffs. There’s also a range of types of bondage gear suited for everyone from beginners to practiced kinky people. If you’ve never tried bondage before, it’s important to brush up on the basics of bondage for beginners to make sure you’re doing it safely. You can easily experiment with a simple toy like a pair of furry handcuffs or a blindfold and build up from there. You can also mix in other sex toys during bondage, such as using a vibrator on a person who’s restrained and watching them squirm in the best possible way.
Get in the Bath
Just as a bath can be a relaxing solo experience where you let your worries go, taking a bath with your partner is a perfect neutral setting for you to explore sex toys like waterproof vibrators. There’s something disarming about being in the bathtub that will likely make it easier to get a little silly while also exploring your likes and dislikes. You can set a date close to or on Valentine’s Day for a bath for two where you get totally clean—and totally dirty.
There you have it—our sexperts’ five tips on how to talk about sex toys with the one you love. Consider them a starting point for a conversation that never has to end! After all, if you explore adult toys with your partner, there’s always something new to try to keep your sex life full of variety. We hope you have a happy, sexy Valentine’s Day however you celebrate!