If you want to bring some intimate items into the bedroom but aren’t sure exactly how to use sex toys, you’ve come to the right place. There are many types of sex toys and many ways to use them for sexual pleasure and satisfaction, whether solo or to add more sex appeal to your date nights. Sex toys are an excellent way of stimulating your erogenous zones and getting out of a sexual rut. Whether you want toys for solo or partnered play, you have plenty of options to choose from. Sex toys can be used in various sex positions to enhance them further.
Keep reading to learn the ins and outs of popular adult toys like vibrators, dildos, butt plugs, handcuffs, nipple clamps, ball gags, cock rings, magic wands, and more, as well as related topics like toy cleaner. If you’re looking to bring sex toys into your life, this guide tells you how to do so.
How to choose a sex toy
Before learning about how to use sex toys, it’s important to know what the different types of sex toys are so you can use one that best suits you. You can choose one sex toy to use on your own or with a partner, or multiple sex toys to use in combination with each other or when the mood strikes. For example, bullet vibes may be insertable or not, and are often a choice of those new to sex toys because they’re very easy to use. Wand vibrators often have a large head and disperse their vibration over a larger area than a more targeted toy like a bullet vibrator.
Vibrators are some of the most popular sex toys. Vibrators come in two broad categories: insertable and external. Insertable vibrators can be used for vaginal play, while external, or clitoral vibrators, can be used for stimulating the clitoris. Sex toys come in many shapes and sizes. Remember that bigger doesn’t necessarily mean better; what size sex toy you prefer will depend largely on how you want to use it and what type of stimulation you’re looking for.
Sex toys can be made of a wide variety of materials, including silicone, plastic, glass, and more. Look for sex toys made of nonporous materials, meaning that they don’t allow air or liquid to pass through them.
There are various types of bondage sex toys, also known as BDSM sex toys or kinky sex toys. These can include items like handcuffs and vibrators as well as blindfolds, nipple clamps, door or bed restraints, and bondage furniture. Anything used for restraint or restricting movement is generally considered a bondage toy.
How to use a vibrator
First, select the vibrator that suits the type of pleasure you want to experience. Some vibrators are designed for clitoral stimulation, while others are designed for G-spot stimulation or other areas. Find a comfortable place where you won’t be interrupted and can make noise if that’s part of your routine. Make sure you have the proper batteries if your vibrator uses them, and a spare set so you don’t run out of power.
Turn your vibrator on and get to know how the buttons work so that you’re prepared. If you’re planning to use the toy internally for vaginal penetration, you may want to use lubrication. You can add lube to the toy and your body beforehand, then wipe your hand on a towel so it’s not slippery. Then get into a good position and when you’re ready to start using your new toy, position it so it’s ready for insertion or for clitoral stimulation.
Turn the vibrator to its lowest setting. It will be easier to adjust going from low to high than high to low. Press the toy against your body or insert it. From there, see how variations on the pressure and position of the toy feel. Experiment and try out the different speeds and settings if your toy has them. Run it along your labia and if it’s insertable, try inserting it one inch at a time.
If you’re using a rabbit vibrator, it may have separate controls for the clitoral rabbit head attachment and the shaft that can be inserted vaginally. You can try out the different ways these functions combine. You can even have one of them vibrating and the other staying still if you prefer.
If you’re using a wand massager, also called a wand vibrator, which often are not insertable, you can lie on your back or front and guide the vibrating head along your vulva or along your balls or shaft of your penis. Remember that you have other erogenous zones, and you may want to try the massager against your nipples.
A finger vibrator is a smaller type of vibrator that goes on your finger. You can use a finger vibrator on yourself or a partner. You just turn it on and stroke whatever part of your body you’d like. A finger vibrator can offer a more direct, pinpointed sensation to a smaller area vs. a larger toy like a wand massager. If you’re looking to add sex toys to your partnered play, a finger vibe is an excellent choice. It can be incorporated into a range of sex positions because it’s so small and versatile. If you’re in the missionary position, you can slip your hand, wearing the finger vibe, between your body and your partner’s.
If the sensation with any vibrator feels too strong, you can put a towel between the vibrator and your body to dull the feeling a little while still enjoying it.
How to use a dildo
A dildo is a phallic-shaped sex toy that can be used by inserting it vaginally or anally (with lube for anal use). If you’re using a typical dildo on yourself, you’ll likely want to hold the dildo in your hand, find a comfortable position, and insert it. If you’re using one with a partner, the process is the same, but your partner can position and guide the dildo. Don’t feel the need to rush to fill yourself with the entire dildo at once. Not only can this be uncomfortable, but it also may not give your body time to adjust to the sensation. Remember to breathe as you slowly press the dildo inside you. You can tighten your inner muscles (by doing Kegels) for additional sensation. Once the dildo is inside you, you can also turn it around or press it in an up, down, left, or right for a variety of sensations. Guide the dildo in and out, either pulling it all the way out or halfway or so, and see how that feels.
If you start out on your back, you may want to turn over at some point and get on all fours and discover how the dildo feels in that position. Keep your lubricant handy so you can replenish it if you desire. If you’re using one hand to insert the dildo, you might want to use the other to pinch your nipples or stroke other body parts for added sensation. Just as you went slowly when inserting the dildo, do the same when removing it.
How to use a butt plug
The two most important things to know about using a butt plug, aka an anal plug, is that it must have a flared base, and you need lubricant because the anus isn’t self-lubricating. There are various types of lubricants, with water-based and silicone-based lubes being the most common. For anal play, including sex toys like butt plugs and vibrating butt plugs, an anal lube is recommended. These lubes are generally thicker and longer-lasting, so you can use the butt plug for as long as desired.
Make sure your anal area is clean; a simple shower or bath using soap and water will work. Then lay out a towel on your bed or wherever you’re going to be using it (not necessary if you’re in the shower or tub), then get into a comfortable position, such as on your side or on your stomach. You can pre-lubricate the butt plug and add some lube to the opening of your anus for easy insertion, or lube up when you’re in your desired position. If it’s your first time, you may want to start with manual penetration, adding one finger very slowly to get used to the feeling, before adding another. When you’re primed and ready, you can then insert the butt plug.
Make sure you insert the butt plug slowly. The tissue of the anus is delicate and you’ll want to ensure you’re properly lubricated and your body is ready to accept the plug. It can be arousing to pause and savor the sensations as the plug goes in.
Once the butt plug is in, what you choose to do is up to you. You can wear it while engaging in other acts of foreplay or sex. You can wear a butt plug while being spanked or enjoying other BDSM activities. You or a partner can turn the butt plug or gently press on it. You can pull it out and push it back in to stimulate yourself in a different way. You can give or receive oral sex while wearing a butt plug. If a butt plug is positioned properly, there’s no specific limit on how long you should wear it, but you aren’t advised to wear it overnight since you may turn over. Some experts advise wearing a butt plug for a maximum of three hours, but you can experiment and get to know your body and how long you want to wear it. You can use a butt plug in your preferred sexual position as long as it’s firmly in place. You can test this by moving around and making sure it’s comfortable. Some people may prefer wearing a butt plug with their butt facing upward. Other people enjoy lying on their back or sitting with a butt plug. A reminder: If at any point the butt plug feels uncomfortable, remove it gently. You may want to add more lubricant if you feel the need.
If you’re using an anal training kit and experimenting with different-sized butt plugs, you’ll want to start with the smallest one and work your way up to the largest one over time. You’d use them following the same procedure outlined above.
How to use handcuffs during sex
Handcuffs, and other types of bondage restraints, are generally easy to use. Handcuffs can be made of metal and other hard materials, or softer materials such as leather or polyurethane. Handcuffs may be connected to each other or may connect to a bedpost. Handcuffs can be used in a variety of positions, such as in front, behind, or over the head. The wearer can be lying down, sitting, or standing up while wearing handcuffs.
The point of handcuffs is to restrain a person so they have little range of motion with their wrists. There are also ankle cuffs that serve the same purpose for the legs. Some handcuffs may offer only one option for how tight they are. Those tend to be locked with a key, as with many metal handcuffs, or snap closed. Other handcuffs can be tightened to varying degrees. You never want to cut off a person’s circulation when using handcuffs as this can be dangerous. Make sure they have at least a little room to move their wrists and that you can fit two or three fingers between their skin and the cuffs. This also applies if you’re using other bondage restraints such as rope or a tie.
Unlike the other sex toys listed here, handcuffs are generally a sex toy used by two (or more) people, where one fastens the handcuffs around the other. This is important because if you tried to handcuff yourself, not only would it be challenging or perhaps impossible, if you did succeed and weren’t able to release yourself, you could be putting yourself in danger.
Once the handcuffs are in place, you can proceed with whatever you’re preferred sexual activity is. Some people enjoy tickling while they’re restrained; others may enjoy trying out various positions that will likely feel different or may take some maneuvering given the restraints.
Make sure that if you’re using handcuffs on another person, you have a safe word you’ve agreed upon in advance. This means that if they say the safe word, you will remove them from the handcuffs immediately. A common safe word is “red,” meaning stop, and some people in the BDSM community use “yellow” to indicate they may want to pause but not fully stop what they’re doing.
Check-in regularly with the restrained person to make sure they’re still comfortable. If you’re the person doing the restraining, it’s your responsibility to make sure the person being restrained doesn’t injure themselves, such as with a body cramp from holding a position for too long.
For more information on how to use handcuffs, see our beginner’s guide to bondage.
How to use nipple clamps
Just as with using a vibrator, it’s important to go slowly with nipple clamps and work your way up to more intense sensations. Nipple clamps come in various types. Some you simply place around your nipple and they clamp down on it. With others, such as tweezer clamps, you slide a lever and can control the intensity of the clamping. They can add a little pressure or a lot. Nipple clamps may feel like a very strong pinch of your nipple. Some nipple clamps vibrate, and with those, you’ll feel vibration along with pressure. If the clamps are metal and come with a coating, do not remove the coating. It’s there to protect your nipples.
For those interested in BDSM, using nipple clamps can be an excellent way to add a kinky sex toy into the mix. You can wear nipple clamps and perform other sex acts and/or use other sex toys at the same time. The way nipple clamps work is by temporarily restricting the blood flow to the nipple.
Follow the instructions that come with your nipple clamps regarding how long to wear them. They are generally designed to be worn for a maximum of 15-30 minutes before removing them. You don’t need long to experience the powerful sensations nipple clamps can provide. If you want to extend your nipple clamp play, you could wear them for 10 minutes, then remove them, get the sensation back in your nipples, and put them on again later.
Take just as much care with removing your nipple clamps as you do with putting them on. You will feel the blood that was displaced while you were wearing the clamps rush back into your nipples. This can be a very powerful sensation. Some people enjoy this feeling and some may find it a little uncomfortable. Experiment and see what kinds of touch or pressure feel good after the clamps are removed. Some people enjoy having their nipples licked or stroked after the clamps are off due to the heightened sensation.
Nipple clamps can be used with a variety of sex positions. For instance, if a woman is wearing nipple clamps and riding her partner in the cowgirl or reverse cowgirl positions, she can also enjoy the sensation of the clamps as she moves.
How to use a ball gag
A ball gag is a bondage device that fastens around the head with a gag that’s inserted into the mouth. Ball gags are usually used as part of bondage or BDSM play and restrain the mouth so any noise the wearer makes is muffled. Ball gags may be breathable, with holes in the ball, so the wearer can breathe through their mouth, or non-breathable, so the wearer will have to breathe through their nose. To use a ball gag, the ball should be placed comfortably in the wearer’s mouth, so they aren’t straining their jaw. Adjust the straps to make sure the fit is comfortable. Ball gags should only be used for 15 minutes or less at first. If the wearer becomes more comfortable using a ball gag, you can increase the time. Because the ball gag wearer won’t be able to speak while they’re wearing it, and thus unable to use a safeword, an alternative to a spoken safeword should be decided upon in advance, such as using a bell that can be run if the ball gag wearer wants to stop the scene, or holding a set of keys they can drop.
How to use a cock ring
A cock ring, sometimes called a penis ring, is a ring that is placed around the penis to help maintain its hardness. Cock rings are often made of stretchy material, so while they may look small, they will stretch to fit around the shaft. You can start using a cock ring when you’re flaccid, semi-hard, or fully erect. Add some lubricant around the inside of the cock ring for maximum comfort.
Once the cock ring is on, you can have sex, enjoy manual stimulation, or receive oral sex. If you notice your penis becoming painful or uncomfortable at any point, remove the cock ring immediately.
For those using a cock ring specifically to make their erections last longer and/or delay ejaculation, try wearing the cock ring on your own before using it with a partner. This will help you get used to the sensation by experimenting with it first.
If you’re using a vibrating cock ring, it performs all of the above functions, and provides vibrations to stimulate your partner during sex. A vibrating cock ring is generally considered a couple’s sex toy. However, a vibrating cock ring can be used on your own for both maintaining stamina and enjoying the vibrating sensation.
It’s generally recommended not to use a cock ring for more than 30 minutes.
Read the instructions for your cock ring carefully, and make sure to follow the stated limit on how long you should wear one.
How to clean your sex toys
Cleaning your sex toys and storing them properly is an important part of using them. You never want to skimp on cleaning or stash sex toys in a drawer with lots of other items because they could attract bacteria. Use a cleaner such as Hott Love Antibacterial Toy Cleaner or soap and water. Always thoroughly dry your sex toy after each cleaning. You may want to wrap your toy in a cloth or towel to ensure that it remains clean.
There you have it—how to use sex toys, whether you’re into vibration, penetration, anal play, BDSM, or anything else. Shop Spencer’s today for all your sex toy needs. From rabbit vibrators, bullet vibrators, and magic wands to anal toys and more, we’ve got it all. Also, make sure to keep up with our sex tip blogs and take your sex life to the next level!