No matter how often you’re having sex, it’s normal to feel like your love life has hit a wall. The passion that initially makes intimacy so thrilling eventually evolves into a deep sense of comfort, especially when you’re in a long-term relationship. And while comfort and security in a relationship are not bad things, you may find yourself craving the kind of intimacy that rocks your body from head to toe.
It’s possible (and common!) to be both deeply attracted to your partner and sexually bored. With a little bit of open-mindedness and a lot of communication, you can move past a romantic rut to a place of sexual satisfaction.
Here are 10 tips that will spice up your sex life:
1. Talk About Sex
Tell your partner that you want to talk about sex. Find a time that works for both of you to have an intimate, unhurried conversation about your love life, and share your feelings as openly as possible. Try to be as specific as you can about your wishes – do you want to have sex more often, try a new position, or introduce a sex toy into your relationship? Ask for what you need and, in return, ask your partner to share their desires with you.
Listening to your partner talk about sex is just as important as sharing your feelings with them. Good sex requires all participants to give as well as receive.
2. Relive Your First Date
Think back to when you first realized that you and your partner were destined for more than friendship. Where were you when their touch first made you weak in the knees? If you can, go back to that place. Sit with your partner and remember where it all started. Maybe you were drawn to the way your partner’s eyes looked when they smiled, or maybe you were mesmerized by their voice. What features do you find charming about your partner today?
3. Share Fantasies
Fantasies are a funny thing. You might find yourself repeatedly daydreaming about being a sexy maid who gets caught doing a provocative dance in the master suite, but you’re not sure how your partner would react if you told them. Consider being open and sharing it with them! It’s very likely that your partner has a fantasy of their own, and who knows…it might just have to do with catching a sexy maid dancing in the master suite.
Sharing fantasies requires an open mind from both partners. Try your best to listen with intention as your partner describes the things that turn them on. Just the process of talking about sexual fantasies can be extremely intimate!
Enough with the talk! Put your juiciest fantasies into action. Look for common themes in your partner’s fantasies and bring them to life. Do they fantasize about being caught naked by an overzealous plumber? Do they dream of being restrained with bondage rope and fuzzy cuffs? Then they might like for you to bring some of those elements into your next romantic encounter.
Of course, communication is crucial. It’s perfectly okay to ask, “How would you feel if I brought cuffs and restraints into the bedroom?” Bondage might be something your partner is interested in trying, and you can only discover this by talking!
5. Leave the Bedroom
If your bedroom is the only place where “the magic” happens, it could be time for a change of scenery. Take it to the couch, the floor, or even the kitchen counter to experiment with new angles and positions. Having sex in a new room can signal to your partner that your desire for them is so strong that you can’t resist being with them right away – bed or no bed!
6. Plan an Intimate Getaway
Plan a weekend getaway with your partner. Choose a quiet place where you can spend time getting to know each other better. Even if you’ve been in a relationship with someone for years, they’re not the same person they were when you first met them. Some changes are so subtle that you might miss them if you’re not looking, so use this weekend to really look.
Once you’ve asked meaningful questions and shared truthful answers with one other, move on to exploring each other’s bodies. Undress your partner and pretend you’re seeing them for the first time. Touch them like you’re touching them for the first time.
7. Toys, Toys, Toys
Sex toys open a world of possibilities for couples who crave closeness. Use a dildo or a cock ring on your partner even before you have sex, and watch how their body responds to the new sensations.
Prepare a warm bubble bath for your partner and encourage them to relax in it. Bring a waterproof cock ring or vibrator in and use it to pleasure them beneath the bubbles. Just as they’re about to climax, drain the bath and take them to bed!
8. Do Something Thoughtful
A healthy sex life starts with a healthy relationship. Every time you massage your partner’s back, heat up their car on a cold morning, or pick up their favorite cereal at the grocery store, you’re demonstrating that you care.
Cook your partner’s favorite dish, get tickets to the concert they’ve been dying to go to, or tell them how good they look in those new pants. When you do thoughtful things for your partner every day, great sex tends to follow naturally.
9. Lube Is Your Friend
Even if you don’t think you need it, lube can be a game-changer. First, use it to give your partner a body massage with slick hands, and then move on to sex. Lube can make new positions easier to enjoy and facilitate longer-lasting sex!
10. Recreate a Sex Scene
What’s the sexiest scene you can think of? It could be from an old movie or a favorite TV show. Got it? Good.
Cozy up with your partner and watch the scene together. Pause frequently to talk about what you like: the way he spreads her legs so slowly or how she screams. Be as descriptive as you want! Next, act out the scene yourselves.
Restoring the passion in a relationship starts with an open mind. Consider what turns you on, what turns your partner on, and take advantage of the many toys and techniques that are available to you. Be patient as you learn new things about your sexual preferences and, most importantly, have fun!